Post by pyroflasher on Jun 8, 2011 20:12:57 GMT -5
So here's a monologue I wrote a little while ago. It's part of a series of plays I'm writing called the Neat Freak Cycle (Note: My 2011 contest entry Yellow Dress is also gonna be part of this series.)
I Remember
By Eddie Chase
(A chair stands alone onstage. It is surrounded on the ground by hundreds of uninflated baloons. Enter Lauren. She wears a maternity gown. She has a pregnant belly that appears to be slightly caved in. There is a large blood stain on the maternity dress around the caved-in area. Her walk is heavy, labored, each step carefully measured as if every single twitch of a muscle causes an unbearable amount of pain. She is careful not to step on any of the uninflated balloons. She holds in her hand a string, a string that is held in the air by a single red balloon that is already inflated. She reaches the chair, sits down, and, wrapping the string around her hand, pulls the balloon in close.)
Lauren: I only remember being two things. Pregnant and dead. It’s funny. I can’t remember a single thing about my life before I got pregnant. It’s all a blank. A blackness, not unlike the one I’ve found myself in right now. All I know is, that baby... was my life. Or at least it was going to be... The first thing I can remember is hearing those two words... “You’re pregnant.” Those words have been echoing in my head, echoing in my soul and... and here (She rubs her stomach, wincing in pain.) The echo has been the loudest right here. I try to remember the doctor who spoke those words to me, but he remains faceless in my memory. His voice, generic. I can’t remember a single detail about the man who spoke the words, but the words themselves have come to define my existence, whether I wanted them to or not. “You’re Pregnant.”
The next thing I remember is happiness. Just... being happy to go home and tell the man I loved that he will be the father of my child. Happiness that I would have something to love and cherish, that I will have something to live for, to keep me alive. I don’t remember how I felt before those words... I don’t even know if I actually ever wanted a baby before hand. I do remember the name of the father, though... But I will never speak it again. He was pleased though, when I told him. His reaction was what I expected, even more than that. He appeared to feel genuine joy in the fact that we were so far successful at doing the one job we as living creatures were supposed to do. Procreate. At least, that’s what it seems.
The next thing I remember is sickness, all the time, but I’m sure you’ve figured that. After that I remember pain... but the good kind. Not the kind I feel now... noone should feel this kind of pain. The pain I once felt was like the one after a day of hard work. Except I felt it all the time. My hard work was incubating a new life form. A new soul.
The next thing I remember is a trip to an amusement park that... he... took me on. I couldn’t go on many rides because well, I think you could understand. My belly was getting pretty swollen. But I remember one thing. Balloons. The park had millions of balloons all over the place and they just made me think of her... or him... this little life that was growing inside me. I imagined what if... babies grew in balloons. It’s a silly thing to think about but I just imagined all of those balloons with all those little babies in them. The mothers would still have to carry the babies around, but instead of holding them in their bellies, they’d have to grip the string tight, and stop the balloon from floating away. And then when the baby was ready to be born, you’d just cut the knot and all the air and the baby would come right out. I imagined this, all of this as I sat in that amusement park as I waited for him to return with my balloon. My little red balloon. My little life growing inside me. Inside my balloon.
That was the last happiness I remember. That’s a funny thing, emotions... You never know when you’re gonna be happy again, when you’re gonna be sad again... What emotion will be your last?
It all got really bad when he was fired from his job. I remember opening the door and watching him walk in with this dead look in his eye like he had given up everything. He asked me “How are going to take care of this child?” This life inside me... And then he cried. I don’t remember if I saw him cry before, but I remember feeling like it was the first time. The first time I had seen this man show weakness.
The next thing I remember was him starting to drink. And when he drank he was violent. He never raised a hand against me, thank god, but that didn’t stop him from destroying everything he could his hands on. I can’t count how many times that table got flipped. How many shards of glass and ceramic would line the floor from all the dishes he smashed. I hid in my room. He never raised a hand against me, not then anyways. He waited to get to me. He waited to get to my child.
The next thing I remember was him suddenly cleaning up. He cleaned up the house, fixed the damages, and began hunting for a new job. I thought I was happy then, but I was only tricking myself. But I was afraid. Because now I knew what this man was capable of.
The next thing I remember...
(She begins to unwrap the balloon string and let the balloon float up. She does not let it go.)
The next thing I remember...
(She looks at the floor and picks up an uninflated balloon.)
The next thing I remember...
He took me out to dinner. Yes, that was it. He took me to a fancy restaurant, I don’t remember the name of it, but it was nice and the food was delicious and the discussions were deep and his smile was fake. His smile... ever present during that whole entire dinner. I hadn’t seen him smile like that since I told him I was pregnant. Or maybe beforehand... I don’t remember. But he just looked at me with that face and it looked so sincere and I just wanted to trust him. I just wanted to put this life inside me into his hands.
The next thing I remember we were in the car and it was night. I thought I was safe. We drove and drove and then the car started to swerve and I thought maybe he had to much to drink. “Stop” I said “Stop, the car! Let me drive! You have had too much to...”
Bang...
(She lets go of the floating balloon. It floats up into the audience. She takes the uninflated balloon, blows it up and clutches it.)
The next thing I remember we were in all small park. A childrens’ playground. There was steam. The car had crashed into a tree. I stumbled out of the car. All I could think was “Is my baby still inside of me? Do I still have a life inside of me?” I walked a few steps but then a pain in my leg took by surprise and I fell. Not on the stomach I thought as I angled myself to land on my back. I landed hard. Just lay here, I thought. The ambulance will come. The baby will be alright.
The next thing I remember I heard his voice. “Lauren!” he said. “Where are you honey?” I’m right here! “Is the baby, alright?” he said. The baby is fine.
The next thing I remember was a whisper. “God Dammit.” A whisper not meant for me to here. Hal... What do you mean God Dammit? What, do you want this baby to die? “Shut up”
The next thing I remember was the shifting of broken glass. I remember a glass shard being clutched in his hand as he approached me. “It’s alright Lauren... Everything’s gonna be alright. I just need to check on the baby. I need to make sure it’s alright.” The baby is fine, Hal! You don’t need to do this! What are you doing with that glass? “I’m gonna cut you open. I need to make sure the baby is alright. So that we can sell it. We need to sell the baby. Then we’ll be alright.” WHAT?
He was getting ready to pop my balloon, to cut it open and let all the air out. But the baby wasn’t ready yet, it wasn’t ready to come out. Sell it? You’re not gonna sell my baby. GET AWAY FROM ME! “JUST HOLD STILL HONEY! IT’S NOT GONNA HURT A BIT.”
I tried to crawl away. I tried, I really did. But he was just too fast for me.
The next thing I remember is pain. A pain unlike anything you have ever felt before. A pain unlike anything I have ever felt before. The pain of having your stomach gutted open with a shard of glass. The pain of knowing the life inside you is being taken away. The pain of watching everything you love and cherish just pop like a balloon.
(She pops the balloon.)
The next thing I remember is a sick cry coming from the baby as he pulled it out of me. A single sick cry that it made right before it died.
The last thing I remember was...
I Remember
By Eddie Chase
(A chair stands alone onstage. It is surrounded on the ground by hundreds of uninflated baloons. Enter Lauren. She wears a maternity gown. She has a pregnant belly that appears to be slightly caved in. There is a large blood stain on the maternity dress around the caved-in area. Her walk is heavy, labored, each step carefully measured as if every single twitch of a muscle causes an unbearable amount of pain. She is careful not to step on any of the uninflated balloons. She holds in her hand a string, a string that is held in the air by a single red balloon that is already inflated. She reaches the chair, sits down, and, wrapping the string around her hand, pulls the balloon in close.)
Lauren: I only remember being two things. Pregnant and dead. It’s funny. I can’t remember a single thing about my life before I got pregnant. It’s all a blank. A blackness, not unlike the one I’ve found myself in right now. All I know is, that baby... was my life. Or at least it was going to be... The first thing I can remember is hearing those two words... “You’re pregnant.” Those words have been echoing in my head, echoing in my soul and... and here (She rubs her stomach, wincing in pain.) The echo has been the loudest right here. I try to remember the doctor who spoke those words to me, but he remains faceless in my memory. His voice, generic. I can’t remember a single detail about the man who spoke the words, but the words themselves have come to define my existence, whether I wanted them to or not. “You’re Pregnant.”
The next thing I remember is happiness. Just... being happy to go home and tell the man I loved that he will be the father of my child. Happiness that I would have something to love and cherish, that I will have something to live for, to keep me alive. I don’t remember how I felt before those words... I don’t even know if I actually ever wanted a baby before hand. I do remember the name of the father, though... But I will never speak it again. He was pleased though, when I told him. His reaction was what I expected, even more than that. He appeared to feel genuine joy in the fact that we were so far successful at doing the one job we as living creatures were supposed to do. Procreate. At least, that’s what it seems.
The next thing I remember is sickness, all the time, but I’m sure you’ve figured that. After that I remember pain... but the good kind. Not the kind I feel now... noone should feel this kind of pain. The pain I once felt was like the one after a day of hard work. Except I felt it all the time. My hard work was incubating a new life form. A new soul.
The next thing I remember is a trip to an amusement park that... he... took me on. I couldn’t go on many rides because well, I think you could understand. My belly was getting pretty swollen. But I remember one thing. Balloons. The park had millions of balloons all over the place and they just made me think of her... or him... this little life that was growing inside me. I imagined what if... babies grew in balloons. It’s a silly thing to think about but I just imagined all of those balloons with all those little babies in them. The mothers would still have to carry the babies around, but instead of holding them in their bellies, they’d have to grip the string tight, and stop the balloon from floating away. And then when the baby was ready to be born, you’d just cut the knot and all the air and the baby would come right out. I imagined this, all of this as I sat in that amusement park as I waited for him to return with my balloon. My little red balloon. My little life growing inside me. Inside my balloon.
That was the last happiness I remember. That’s a funny thing, emotions... You never know when you’re gonna be happy again, when you’re gonna be sad again... What emotion will be your last?
It all got really bad when he was fired from his job. I remember opening the door and watching him walk in with this dead look in his eye like he had given up everything. He asked me “How are going to take care of this child?” This life inside me... And then he cried. I don’t remember if I saw him cry before, but I remember feeling like it was the first time. The first time I had seen this man show weakness.
The next thing I remember was him starting to drink. And when he drank he was violent. He never raised a hand against me, thank god, but that didn’t stop him from destroying everything he could his hands on. I can’t count how many times that table got flipped. How many shards of glass and ceramic would line the floor from all the dishes he smashed. I hid in my room. He never raised a hand against me, not then anyways. He waited to get to me. He waited to get to my child.
The next thing I remember was him suddenly cleaning up. He cleaned up the house, fixed the damages, and began hunting for a new job. I thought I was happy then, but I was only tricking myself. But I was afraid. Because now I knew what this man was capable of.
The next thing I remember...
(She begins to unwrap the balloon string and let the balloon float up. She does not let it go.)
The next thing I remember...
(She looks at the floor and picks up an uninflated balloon.)
The next thing I remember...
He took me out to dinner. Yes, that was it. He took me to a fancy restaurant, I don’t remember the name of it, but it was nice and the food was delicious and the discussions were deep and his smile was fake. His smile... ever present during that whole entire dinner. I hadn’t seen him smile like that since I told him I was pregnant. Or maybe beforehand... I don’t remember. But he just looked at me with that face and it looked so sincere and I just wanted to trust him. I just wanted to put this life inside me into his hands.
The next thing I remember we were in the car and it was night. I thought I was safe. We drove and drove and then the car started to swerve and I thought maybe he had to much to drink. “Stop” I said “Stop, the car! Let me drive! You have had too much to...”
Bang...
(She lets go of the floating balloon. It floats up into the audience. She takes the uninflated balloon, blows it up and clutches it.)
The next thing I remember we were in all small park. A childrens’ playground. There was steam. The car had crashed into a tree. I stumbled out of the car. All I could think was “Is my baby still inside of me? Do I still have a life inside of me?” I walked a few steps but then a pain in my leg took by surprise and I fell. Not on the stomach I thought as I angled myself to land on my back. I landed hard. Just lay here, I thought. The ambulance will come. The baby will be alright.
The next thing I remember I heard his voice. “Lauren!” he said. “Where are you honey?” I’m right here! “Is the baby, alright?” he said. The baby is fine.
The next thing I remember was a whisper. “God Dammit.” A whisper not meant for me to here. Hal... What do you mean God Dammit? What, do you want this baby to die? “Shut up”
The next thing I remember was the shifting of broken glass. I remember a glass shard being clutched in his hand as he approached me. “It’s alright Lauren... Everything’s gonna be alright. I just need to check on the baby. I need to make sure it’s alright.” The baby is fine, Hal! You don’t need to do this! What are you doing with that glass? “I’m gonna cut you open. I need to make sure the baby is alright. So that we can sell it. We need to sell the baby. Then we’ll be alright.” WHAT?
He was getting ready to pop my balloon, to cut it open and let all the air out. But the baby wasn’t ready yet, it wasn’t ready to come out. Sell it? You’re not gonna sell my baby. GET AWAY FROM ME! “JUST HOLD STILL HONEY! IT’S NOT GONNA HURT A BIT.”
I tried to crawl away. I tried, I really did. But he was just too fast for me.
The next thing I remember is pain. A pain unlike anything you have ever felt before. A pain unlike anything I have ever felt before. The pain of having your stomach gutted open with a shard of glass. The pain of knowing the life inside you is being taken away. The pain of watching everything you love and cherish just pop like a balloon.
(She pops the balloon.)
The next thing I remember is a sick cry coming from the baby as he pulled it out of me. A single sick cry that it made right before it died.
The last thing I remember was...