The end or a Beginning?

[singerrock]

I saw myself drifting away. I could have stopped it, but what for? Just so I can paint the smile on my face and just so everyone around me can have the satisfaction that I belong? I didn't belong. How could anyone "belong" with a group whose main purpose is to belittle others? Even belittling your self? I saw my self with two options: the route I am taking now, or to die and still be alive.

When drifting away I heard different opinions. I heard that it was peaceful and I heard from others that it is painful. All I kept thinking about was how it wasn’t fast enough. If someone has made up his or her mind about something like death it should go a lot faster. I guess “god” wants to give the dying a chance to change their mind or for the family/friends of the dying to come in and save the day. Well I don’t have real friends and the parents are two hours away. Perfect.

I can feel myself getting closer to the end. I just wanted it done and to finally feel like this burden called life is over. At the same time I also feel like “god” is going to play a sick joke on me and make me live. Well fuck you “god” I am going to die and I don’t care if I end up in hell. My personal hell would be heaven and my personal heaven would be hell. My last seconds of life and I feel like this is it. I see the light (clichéd I know, but that is what I saw). I reach the light and God is there. Shit.

[pyroflasher]

This is fantastic! I didn't know you could write this well!

[Golden Emblem]

I like your style, but it had too little plot.

[singerrock]

Chapter 2:
The sun shines right in my face in the morning because that is how my lovely stepmother does it for me when I am not in my room. The sun represents brightness and cheeriness and both burn my skin.

Friday comes and the sun wakes me up like it is the best day in the whole wide world. Why does everyone love Fridays? I mean I know why I hate it and that’s because the weekend brings parties that I have to go to and make an appearance. It is just the ways of being popular. Being the captain of the cheerleading team wasn’t something I wanted. It was what my mother wanted. When she was my age she was a cheerleader and loved every moment of it. Summer before my freshman year mom dies from Cervical Cancer. About a year later and my dad marries wife number 2. I call her wife number 2 because most likely my dad will wise up and realize that she is not the one and will probably go on a crazy marriage craze.

I entered school knowing everything that was going to happen. It was the typical routine that has happened since I was crown captain. The theatre tech geeks lined up in front of the entrance and as soon as I step foot through those doors BOOM there goes the fans and the lights. I told them time and time again that I hated that. Yet they wanted to treat me like their personal movie star. I don’t like that feeling because from that moment on every eye is on me for the rest of the day. That means I need to watch what I say or do since this is a high school of 300 kids.

After the theatre opening come the flock of admirers. First comes the group I cannot stand. It was the underclass girls who look to me like a goddess. I am no goddess and it bugs me when they do that. Crowding around me trying to become my best friend. They think that if they are seen with me their social status jumps up. For some depending how many times they are seen with me it does work. The difference between these girls and the theatre tech geeks you really can’t get a word out without someone squealing or taking a picture. I lost hope with them during my first week of this.

The last group of admirers I like them since they don’t say a word to me. This would be the group of guys standing at their lockers. Some cute others not so much, but I just walk by them and they think I am a goddess too. They don’t say it, but their eyes tell the entire story. I see how some look at me as I can tell they are day dreaming most likely I am in it. Others are drooling and the jocks just scan me from head to toe as if I was a model. They make me feel like meat and as long as they don’t say anything they won’t have a high voice.

I continue down the hallway with the intent of going to my locker. As usually everyone is staring at me. This sickens me because I wish I were one of those losers who no one notices. That way I don’t have to paint on this smile every day. And I don’t have to inject fake happiness in my veins. I feel like that way I can still suffer in silence, but that way it would be easier. That way if I left this world no one would care if I left. But like this hallway there are just too many people to notice what I do.

And just like every other fucking day Hannah stops me. Hannah has been my "friend" since we were buddies for a field trip in the first grade. Hannah would invite me to her parties and obviously I had to invite her to mine (the cycle of popularity). After a couple of parties it was a couple of “play dates” and from there Hannah attached her self to my side. Hannah is co-captain of the cheerleaders and everyone knows she is the Queen of Gossip. Gossip seems frivolous and shouldn't exist. Yet I pretend I care to satisfy her needs.

"Rebecca, Oh my gawd you will never guess what I just heard."

I knew how she wanted me to answer. "I give up. What is it?"

"Well I heard from..." This is the part when she rambles on about all the people this information went through to get to her. Doesn't she remember the game telephone? By the end, the original message is changed to something completely different, so I usually don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth.

This is the part I snap back in. "And he said that Brock totally likes you and wants to go on a date with you." I see her energetic face and just mimic the expression. If her face expression could talk it would say, “This is the best thing ever. I am so excited and nothing will take this smile away from my face. This smile on my face is now painted on forever.”

"Oh my gawd this is like the best day ever." [Insert fake hug/smile/squealing/spinning motion now.]

Brock is captain of the football team, the student council president and president of the abstinence club. He is the guy all the parents want their daughters to date. He is also the guy every single whore wants to break. I mean, how are you the football captain and you don't accept pussy? That just doesn't add up.

I have him for first period English and if what Hannah said was true Brock would be coming up to me to hang out at his church. That is what he considers as a first date since there I would meet the minister and he would tell Brock if my soul is pure or something like that. I enter the class and I guess Hannah’s mouth has spread far and wide since everyone is staring at either Brock or me. I go and sit at my desk like I had no idea anyone was staring at me. Yet out of the corner of my eye I see Brock heading over my way. Usually my heart is supposed to be fluttering with butterflies inside but it is as calm as a sloth. Seriously has anyone seen those creatures they chill all day and no one bothers them.

Brock approaches my desk and puts his hand at the corner of the desk to show that he is in charge of the situation. “Hey Rebecca ‘sup?” I cannot believe he is bringing online conversation to real life. This guy is more of an airhead than I thought.

“Nothing much just reading over my paper before we have to hand it in.” That was the best I could do. Brock hates homework and probably didn’t do it so I would assume he would rush to his desk to start writing it. Yet he is still standing there.

“I got some nerd to do it for me a couple nights ago. I think I might get a B+ on this paper. I didn’t want the teacher to think I was super smart right?” It is Brock talking like this that makes me want to strangle him. What is the point of someone else doing the work if you don’t learn from it?

“Smart idea. I should try that some day. Is there a reason why you are at my desk?” I knew why and the entire class knew why. Just like a staged movie this is what is suppose to come out of my mouth.

“Well there is a party at Hannah’s house this weekend. I guess you heard about it.” Of course I heard about it since Hannah is my “friend”.

“I might have heard about it.”

“Well I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? Since I don’t have a date and neither do you I think this would be perfect.” Wow this is out of his normal routine. The first date is a party? I felt all the eyes on me and I knew I had to say yes or else I would be scorn for the rest of the class.

“Sounds like fun. My house at 9 o’clock?” I knew usually the guys pick the time, but Brock is different. That is the one area that he needs someone else to tell him when to do anything. He needs to be told when to be the jock, the sweetheart, the president, and the prude.

“That sounds perfect. And if you want to there is an event at my church the following day. I would like for you to come to that too.” There is the church event I was waiting for.

“Great you can tell me more details about it on Facebook or at the party.” This is at least something to talk about at the party.

“See you tomorrow night then.” He went back to his seat and all of his buddies were high fiving him and patting him on his back. Don’t they know he isn’t going to get any pussy? I mean they know him right?

Another stupid party to go to this weekend. What a shocker. When will I ever have time for me? Dead that is the answer. I just want death to come now. Before I fall into another cycle of a guy falling for me and I will end up breaking their hearts. But when will I find time to do it? Dad and stepmom are leaving for vacation before I get home and Hannah has some family thing that she will most likely fake sick from. My schedule is opening until the party. Yeah I will do it later tonight so I won’t have to attend that party. This is the best plan I have ever thought of, almost as good as when I had to fake sick to get out of a test and my fake puke looked believable. Luckily Hannah was able to tell the class, and no the teacher, that it was fake so that way my social status was still up high. I have some pills from when I head my wisdom teeth taken out. I will those to get the job done. By the end of tonight I will be dead and maybe I might see my mom. But with my luck I will be in hell. Oh well.

[Admin]

Anita, I'm sorry for ever doubting you. That story was so good, it was intimidating.

[singerrock]

Thanks Brandon

[killerinstinct]

Gotta agree with Brandon. It's a lot better than the first chapter. I'm impressed.

[Golden Emblem]

I third the opinion of "holy shit, this was such a great improvement and you did really well".

[singerrock]

The light was so bright I couldn’t see exactly where God was. I thought I saw him to my left, but then I saw that same figure to my right. All I could think of was great I am in heaven, oh joy. The good part about being in heaven would be no school or parents and I will be with my mom. Maybe heaven won’t be bad at all, if it means being with my mom I guess this is good news. But on Earth I said I wanted to go to hell. Shit God must really like me if he wants me here. Well here I go to see my mom.

“Not so fast Rebecca.” Um mood-kill much? I was excited to be in heaven and now God wants to talk to me? What gives? Do I have to do something in order to enter the gates of heaven like initiation? I am not taking off my clothes for God no matter how powerful he is.

“I don’t want you to take your clothes off. That would be a sin and I am against sin.” That is very true. “Rebecca, Satan and I have been watching you today.” That is really creepy. “It’s not creepy just our job. Now we were going band and forth between where you should live. I didn’t want you and neither did Satan.” Ouch, harsh much? “So we went to a median to decide where you should go. We went to your mother.” My stomach just did a belly flop in a pool of my despair.

“We informed her what you have done with the lying and suicide. She believes you shouldn’t live in hell or heaven.” What the fuck? She is making me homeless in the after life? “Not exactly. She wants to send you back to Earth and to make you live there for eternity.” What? That is fucked up I want to speak to my mom. This is bullshit I am not going back to that god forsaken waste hole. Earth is what God would call Hell. “Actually I call it my creation.” Fuck he can still here my thoughts. “And I don’t like your profanity.” Fuck off I am not going back to Earth. Send me to Mars for all I care. Just don’t send me back to my horrible life. “I am sorry, but this is what has to happen.” By a hand my eyes were closed shut. I feel like I am going backwards like on that Expedition Everest ride in Disney World. My eyes open and I am on my bed, fuck.

This cannot be real. How can God make me immortal? He couldn’t eve make his own son immortal. I don’t want to be here when Dad gets back. I need to think of a way to kill myself.

I run to the kitchen and find the sharpest knife I could find. I stabbed myself in the chest and abdominal over and over. The knife goes through, but no blood comes out. I check my skin, and no mark is made. This is a total mind fuck.

I slide down the counter on to the floor and I cried for the first time in years. I feel dark, empty, and cold inside. I want to run away, but I know some how God will get me back here. I try to think of a loophole, but I can’t. I just give up or do I?

The evil gears are grinding in my head and I figure some kind of loophole. God didn’t say what I could do when I get back to Earth. So I will make this fun for me. Everyone at school has an image of me. What if I make that appearance seem true? Make some more “friends” and when I have them close enough I will destroy them. Not by killing them physically, but mentally. Brock is all about being pure. If I date him and get closer to him I can take his pureness away. Hannah is all about gossip and being the first to know anything. What if I became the queen of gossip?

This plan is perfect I can’t wait to execute it. See God , coming back to Earth was a great idea. I get to make it Earth my playground. I guess I should start getting ready for tomorrow’s party. I have a date with what will be the rest of my immortal life.

[singerrock]

Killerinstinct, GoldenEmblem thanks guys! I couldnt have competed with you guys I mean you guys are AMAZING, but thank you for the complement

[Celia]

i love this, it just keeps getting better