Post by Admin on Jun 23, 2010 22:39:42 GMT -5
Characters
Foxxi
Wulfi
Celia
KM8
SD
TOKAM
ProMetaAnaTela
Daryl
ST
GE
Griffin
[enter Foxxi. She is carrying 2 raw steaks. Standing above a pit, she throws the steaks down. Hellish sounds ensue, but Foxxi just smiles]
Foxxi: Good Biffy, good Hobgobs. Eat your steaks! Chew, chew... swallow. Good. I'm so proud of you.
[enter Wulfi from under the floorboards]
Wulfi: What are you doing?
Foxxi: Feeding the trolls.
Wulfi: Are you going to post a typo?
Foxxi: No, the other trolls.
Wulfi: Oh. How do you think they got like this?
Foxxi: Meh. I'd ask questions, but I'm not a critical enough character to actually pursue the role of main character. The fact that I'm still alive is already [Foxxi falls through the floorboards Wulfi came out of.]
Wulfi: Predictab- [Cheerio from the first book kills her again.]
[Scene changes to Celia, sitting in a library, studying milk facts. SD and KM8 are nearby, but very inattentive.]
Celia: Did you guys know that humans can drink milk past infancy, but kittens can't? No wonder cats don't have 9 lives. They lost the other 8 to the racist fallacy that cats enjoy drinking milk!
KM8: [eyes rolled back, he stands up, grabs Celia by the hair, and slams his head on the library wall repeatedly until Celia stops struggling.]
SD: Meh. I actually didn't know that last fact.
[enter TOKAM]
TOKAM: I should probably just tell you guys, Wulfi and Foxxi are dead.
SD: How did they die?
TOKAM: Foxxi fell through floorboards. Floorboards right by her pet trolls.
KM8: I feel like this news wouldn't be excessively sad, even if I had been here a long time.
SD: Yeah, this isn't sad... more... predictab- [Celia's corpse detonates, killing exclusively SD.]
TOKAM: I hate ST. So much.
KM8: Not a very likable personality. Plus, he kills someone ever time they say predictable.
[pause. Nothing happens.]
TOKAM: You expected to die?
KM8: Completely.
TOKAM: I feel like we should tell KI, so she can be the main character.
KM8: Why not DoD or ST?
TOKAM: Standard cliche sequal plotline. The main character of the original sits aside and lets the second most significant character lead. Then, usually the 3rd more significant character in the original gets their own plot.
KM8: Daryl is an option.
TOKAM: We've no need for filler. Let's go see KI. She has over 10000 posts, so she'll make this story last a long time with her long life.
[scene change. TOKAM and KM8 arrive, only to see KI dead, and ProMetaAnaTela eating the remains out of his George Foreman grill.]
ProMetaAnaTela: Sup? Want some?
TOKAM: I fucking hate ST.
KM8: That means that Daryl is the main character.
[scene change. A sunny field in Winter. There's no snow on the ground, but there's dead grass. Daryl is staring at the sun next to ST and GE. None are moving.]
TOKAM: They appear to be in a trance.
KM8: But there's something carved into the rims of Daryl's glasses.
[enter DoD (aka Griffin)]
Griffin: It reads... The Origin of True Evil put us here, and has given us a promise. If we obey, we may already be rewarded.
KM8: Daryl's glasses have huge rims to fit all that message in 12 point Ariel.
Griffin:If they can meet their conditions, they'll be free, but those conditions are impossible to meet... They aren't special, sitting there. We've all been offered that same offer...
TOKAM: ...Hold up. Since everyone else is in a trance, am I the fucking main character?
KM8: Me too, I guess.
TOKAM: ...This plot is TERRIBLE. I hate you ST! I HATE YOU!
KM8: Seconded.
Griffin: Thirded.
[KM8, instead of dying, simply decides to leave the story before being killed.]
Griffin: What... the fuck?
TOKAM: He lasted abnormally long. I enjoyed his company.
Griffin: He didn't die, he just ran off.
TOKAM: Keep reading Daryl's glasses. Where does it say the source of the Truest Evil is?
Griffin: Supercheats.com?
[The two venture off to Supercheats.com. Upon arriving at the door, they are blocked by a wall of fire.]
Griffin: Shall we go through?
TOKAM: We won't have the wall of fire to protect us anymore...
Griffin: You need enlightenment.
[the two step through, only to see an ad.]
TOKAM: [reading] You may already have won 10,000,000 dollars? To claim your prize, merely stare into the sun until the sun is content and tells you to stop...?
Griffin: There you go.
TOKAM: That... sucked...
... FUCKING ST!!!
Foxxi
Wulfi
Celia
KM8
SD
TOKAM
ProMetaAnaTela
Daryl
ST
GE
Griffin
The second installment of the ST series. Continued by popular demand.
[enter Foxxi. She is carrying 2 raw steaks. Standing above a pit, she throws the steaks down. Hellish sounds ensue, but Foxxi just smiles]
Foxxi: Good Biffy, good Hobgobs. Eat your steaks! Chew, chew... swallow. Good. I'm so proud of you.
[enter Wulfi from under the floorboards]
Wulfi: What are you doing?
Foxxi: Feeding the trolls.
Wulfi: Are you going to post a typo?
Foxxi: No, the other trolls.
Wulfi: Oh. How do you think they got like this?
Foxxi: Meh. I'd ask questions, but I'm not a critical enough character to actually pursue the role of main character. The fact that I'm still alive is already [Foxxi falls through the floorboards Wulfi came out of.]
Wulfi: Predictab- [Cheerio from the first book kills her again.]
[Scene changes to Celia, sitting in a library, studying milk facts. SD and KM8 are nearby, but very inattentive.]
Celia: Did you guys know that humans can drink milk past infancy, but kittens can't? No wonder cats don't have 9 lives. They lost the other 8 to the racist fallacy that cats enjoy drinking milk!
KM8: [eyes rolled back, he stands up, grabs Celia by the hair, and slams his head on the library wall repeatedly until Celia stops struggling.]
SD: Meh. I actually didn't know that last fact.
[enter TOKAM]
TOKAM: I should probably just tell you guys, Wulfi and Foxxi are dead.
SD: How did they die?
TOKAM: Foxxi fell through floorboards. Floorboards right by her pet trolls.
KM8: I feel like this news wouldn't be excessively sad, even if I had been here a long time.
SD: Yeah, this isn't sad... more... predictab- [Celia's corpse detonates, killing exclusively SD.]
TOKAM: I hate ST. So much.
KM8: Not a very likable personality. Plus, he kills someone ever time they say predictable.
[pause. Nothing happens.]
TOKAM: You expected to die?
KM8: Completely.
TOKAM: I feel like we should tell KI, so she can be the main character.
KM8: Why not DoD or ST?
TOKAM: Standard cliche sequal plotline. The main character of the original sits aside and lets the second most significant character lead. Then, usually the 3rd more significant character in the original gets their own plot.
KM8: Daryl is an option.
TOKAM: We've no need for filler. Let's go see KI. She has over 10000 posts, so she'll make this story last a long time with her long life.
[scene change. TOKAM and KM8 arrive, only to see KI dead, and ProMetaAnaTela eating the remains out of his George Foreman grill.]
ProMetaAnaTela: Sup? Want some?
TOKAM: I fucking hate ST.
KM8: That means that Daryl is the main character.
[scene change. A sunny field in Winter. There's no snow on the ground, but there's dead grass. Daryl is staring at the sun next to ST and GE. None are moving.]
TOKAM: They appear to be in a trance.
KM8: But there's something carved into the rims of Daryl's glasses.
[enter DoD (aka Griffin)]
Griffin: It reads... The Origin of True Evil put us here, and has given us a promise. If we obey, we may already be rewarded.
KM8: Daryl's glasses have huge rims to fit all that message in 12 point Ariel.
Griffin:If they can meet their conditions, they'll be free, but those conditions are impossible to meet... They aren't special, sitting there. We've all been offered that same offer...
TOKAM: ...Hold up. Since everyone else is in a trance, am I the fucking main character?
KM8: Me too, I guess.
TOKAM: ...This plot is TERRIBLE. I hate you ST! I HATE YOU!
KM8: Seconded.
Griffin: Thirded.
[KM8, instead of dying, simply decides to leave the story before being killed.]
Griffin: What... the fuck?
TOKAM: He lasted abnormally long. I enjoyed his company.
Griffin: He didn't die, he just ran off.
TOKAM: Keep reading Daryl's glasses. Where does it say the source of the Truest Evil is?
Griffin: Supercheats.com?
[The two venture off to Supercheats.com. Upon arriving at the door, they are blocked by a wall of fire.]
Griffin: Shall we go through?
TOKAM: We won't have the wall of fire to protect us anymore...
Griffin: You need enlightenment.
[the two step through, only to see an ad.]
TOKAM: [reading] You may already have won 10,000,000 dollars? To claim your prize, merely stare into the sun until the sun is content and tells you to stop...?
Griffin: There you go.
TOKAM: That... sucked...
... FUCKING ST!!!
